now is confession: it was frightening to cry at someone else's wedding. i've been saying "oh, i don't really need THAT...i am so over marriage...i do just fine alone..." and then saul and robert got married before robert's heart surgery and the sweet touch saul gave his hand as they wheeled him into surgery broke my heart. oh i do want to be with someone(Martin Sheen would do nicely), to share, to plan, to be a partner in life! so before i sink into self-loathing despair or leap at inappropriate lilypads i just need to admit it: i am lonely tonight. and i want to feed a bite of that thai salmon to someone who loves me. as i love myself.