now is realization: i am on this journey to learn how to be alone. what a surprise! i am thinking about where to be next, who to see, and i am only sure that i have still not accepted the idea of this journey as mine/about me. i have been going from one refuge to another(thanks to my friends) but only sitting with myself when i am travelling. i have expectations of connection/re-connection with others from the past but...i am becoming more sure that i really do want to be alone. read about antarctica and a small dwelling, one room, just enough, and it sounded so calm. cold, yes, but calm. i don't know today. i guess it's time to take refuge in the buddha and the dharma, that third jewel is just not doing it for me.