now is fourcorners. past through the snows on my way here, where it snowshowers each morning and then fades away as the sun shines. eastern new mexico is snowed under, i got out just in time. i am settling into my sister's life, her warm house, her ways. now i am looking for ways to be still. now i am stewing in my loneliness, reaching out in my dreams. 

12/24 now is the family ties,loosely draped around my shoulders, decorative rather than binding. We look at pictures, moments without us but somehow we are there,too. my grandniece looks like my sister, her grandmother; her sister looks like their father. granddad looks like his son, their grandfather.  the house is also a connector, filled with light and somehow warming my life.  I feel included, casually attached to these people, glad to be hugged by them.

now is abilene. just left a heart circle with five other men where we shared ourselves intimately, talked openly about spirituality, sexuality, awakening, and joy. we talked about the second agreement, about not assuming and i had a moment when i realized that i had  assumed that there were no men in abilene who had my values or who would be wiling to open their hearts to this tired old queer. i was wrong! now i am sure that this journey is one of awakening for me, to undo the past hurts and to expand out of my heart toward others, some of whom might not seem to be ready or easy targets. blessed be.

almost gone

now  the waterbed is draining.now there are seven boxes to sort. now i am just waiting for sunrise. tonight i sleep in my new home.

Now is a beginning. Now is Central Market Austin. Now is Friday, December 11. The journey has begun, now.