now is the ritual of the dance. the women present themselves as channels for the goddess. the drummers set the pace but do not control the experience. the audience claps along, sings, chants, shouts "OPA!" and beholds the working of ancient magick. i am only a man, and can see and feel the power but not hold it within myself. this is the only time i wish i were female or more female than male(i am very male). the women go on and on, the drummers try to keep up with the power, the audience joins in the worship. it is beltane and some one will be the sacrifice. finally, a job for a man. 

now is the vision of my beloved. what if i saw the face of my beloved in the face of every sentient being i came in contact with today? how would it be to walk around in love? who would i affect and how would i be a different, more compassionate being if i led with love? am i willing to risk my ego to connect as totally as possible with another, irregardless of their appearance, station, politics, lifestyle, gender...thank you my teacher Ram Dass for reminding me of these things. namaste, my beloveds.

now is the turning. there is a choice to make, a possibility of going, of continuing, of staying, of continuing. i am in this river, gliding between soft banks, high cliffs,tumbling up for breath, back face down to face fear, back up to see where the sky is now. now the sky is above me still: still i cannot be as the river takes me on. i won't put my feet down today, i will just float/fly on.  

now is a return to oz. the first leg of this journey ends where it began. since this is not a race i can just pause and breathe and reflect on the trip so far and not really plan  the next lap. so far i have learned that i am capable of leaving my refuge of 30 years and going out into space. i can survive the changes that go along with this movement. i recently read R Silverberg's The End of Winter about a clan that leaves its cave after 700,00 years of exile due to the climatic change on the earth. they go out and explore. that's how i feel. and now that i am back in the house in oz(as a guest) and back in the arms of my beloveds who live in this place i am feeling blessed, but not trapped. i can leave again. or i can stay. my guide is available at any time to remind me to focus on here/now. it is a sacred time (as are they all). saw graffiti last night on the sidewalk on duval street "give up" it says. and i will give this up, throw the cards up in the air and watch to see what they show.

now is a spiritual experience(NOT a religious experience) in a church in north dallas. the sermon was about transformation and transition and spoke of the difference between them and change. change is what is, the "on the ground" experience, and is often viewed as a wall we must climb over or overcome in some way. transition is the pathway through the wall, the way we adapt to the change, the acceptance of where we are now and not so much of how to get somewhere else. transformation is on the other side of the wall. did you know that when a caterpillar is inside the chrysalis it actually dissolves into "biological goo" before reforming and breaking free? the pastor encouraged us to enjoy the "goo" phase of our transformation, personally, spiritually, and as a world awaiting the passage into change. so mote it be

now is mother nature beyond my control. 12 hours of downpour in alabama; five hours of intermittent downpour from decatur to jackson mississippi; signs across mississippi and louisiana of 17 inches of floods last week, tornados, hail, typical spring in the south. i am in awe at the power of the skies. and grateful for my intuition that told me to leave decatur as soon as the rain let up and drive on to reach vicksburg before dark. the rain increased between jackson and vicksburg, with high winds and hail and 3-5 inchers of rain, and i was already in my hotel room in vicksburg. i did not drive the wrong way up the hill.