now is the sunset over mallard creek in north-central alabama(my roots). i have been to the baptists yesterday and have escaped with my heathenism intact, BUT i did have several times during the lengthy sundayschool and church service where  i seriously questioned my salvation. some people are so intent!! i know all the words, having learned them as a child; i know that i don't feel damned to eternal fire because i refuse a savior(sorry, mom and all my bama relatives); i sit and breathe and look at this sunset and feel connected to all this...and even to those hardshell baptists who asked us to pray that the georgia governor would make the right decision about those queers and those bathrooms and OUR CHILDREN ARE IN DANGER...from their narrow minded attitudes. listening to the blues. watching some huge fish work the water in the creek. i am sacred/you are sacred/we are sacred/we are one(thank you skeeter). 

now is a  visit to the past, a thought about the future. the international civil rights museum in greeensboro, north carolina, built on the site of the woolworth's store where the first lunch counter sit-in was held. the vision that some people had then about how to change their world to be more responsive to human rights; the use of non-violence to achieve those goals, even in the face of the terror of the police and their fellow citizens. it was sobering to remember the move my family made to the South in 1965, to a place that still segregated the races in schools, restaurants, public facilities, and the town itself. why did the people not rise up to do destruction? some did, in watts, in detroit, in newark, in jackson, and some walked, or sat, or lay down, or prayed, or just shamed the ones who would de-humanize them. what worked? hope worked, and not the hope of reward after death but the hope that life could be more rewarding. so they chose life. i wonder how the world can give enough hope to the youth in the throes of poverty and despair who might turn to violence and self-destruction, to let them know that their worth is inherent, not needing heroic action to improve their state, just the decision to choose life.

now is the possibility of settling. i have found a place that speaks to me, that can provide the cultural contacts, like live music, faerie presence, livable town life, and of course the mountains and trees and water. black mountain, north carolina. tonight i ate perfect vegetarian thai food, watched the sunset and moonrise over the blue ridge mountains, and heard a dynamic jazz duo in a big ole club that used to be the chevy dealer. the guy in charge of the tickets said "this is heaven" and i don't know about that but it seems pretty perfect right now. now will i just stop my travels and park the goldenrod here? no. it is not time, i have other places to go, many other bears to pursue. but i will be back, for gay spirit in late september. tomorrow is greensboro and my dear friend Kathleen. and another dose of city life. 

now is in memory....four years ago today my mom transitioned. tonight i am less than a mile from Loretta Lynn's home in Tennessee. my sistah Fawn sang a lovely song of Loretta's at the funeral, and i just finished singing it here at the KOA. i miss you, Miss Chessy and am so glad that you are still with me, in my heart, on this voyage. honor the goddess that is your mommy, in whatever way you can. i'm gonna go get me some southern cooking!!!

now is the trail of tears. i was once informed that it was called that because it was so rough and the wagons bounced so much that the people riding in them were crying. really? the interstate between oklacity and  fort smith is pretty rough, but i ain't cryin about it. central oklahoma is home to roger miller and sheb wooley (erick) and woody guthrie. they have their own museums and the little towns where they were born are proud of that heritage. i have been feelin like the queen of the road. i continue to come across members of my faerie tribe in the oddest places, like amarillo, or anadarko, or sallisaw. lots of us are going back to our country roots to resettle, to reclaim, to recruit. watch out, oklahoma, we are here, too. namaste, #$^ches.

now is the turning to the east. i take the lessons of the western mesas, the pinon, the stark rock faces reaching toward the tree line of the sandias, the san juans, the jemez, and travel toward my roots in the appalachians. i know that even though i am not born of the western tribes, that i am dineh in my heart. "The Master observes the world, but trustshis inner vision. He allows things to come and go. His heart is open as the sky." so mote it be.

now is the past: The City and the Pillar by Gore Vidal. a love story about two young men. set in the 1940's. the new paperback version has a wonderful foreword by the author. read this book with your lover(any gender will do); thank the stars that someone was willing to risk some truth so long ago so that we can be better lovers today. tell some young queer about our ancestry. it is royal.